Tieing up my mother’s loose ends (due to my mom’s Alzheimer’s) seems to be all that I’ve been focussed on lately. It has been a daunting task that has been triggering memories and emotions.
Two weeks ago, I was extremely lucky. My brother from Vancouver, drove out to stay with me and give me a hand. That week, our life was: we woke up, put in 8-10 hrs (sometimes more) at my mom’s house, and then returned to my house to sleep. At the end of each day we were exhausted … completely exhausted.
Since we were keeping up this routine; for about 8 days, my brother and I have been beat down and hard. Our mom is alive but it feels like she has died because we were throwing out all of her possessions! She won’t be returning to her home so there’s no need to keep all of her “stuff”.
It’s actually quite sad what life can turn into. Only now do I understand how much stuff is worth … absolutely nothing. It’s just stuff.
My brother and I had a tough time; at first, to throw out my mom’s stuff in the bins we had delivered. It didn’t take long to pick up momentum though. While we did occasionally stop to look at an item or two, and go down memory lane, the only items we really kept were pictures.
Walking through my mom’s now 3/4 empty house, I feel awkward. I feel guilty. I feel like I have violated my mom. All that stuff belonged to her and we just threw it all in the garbage!
Did we have the right to do so? Were we disrespectful?
To be perfectly honest, I don’t know how I feel. I’m exhausted and I feel numb.